Visitors asking us locals down here in ABQ’s South Valley “How do I get to Trader Joe’s?” are met with that human equivalent of the quizzical turn of the dog’s head. “Huh?” is the typical South Valley response, as it is for questions regarding:

• Whole Foods
• Thai food
• Indian food
• A bagel place
• That crêpe place, the one that lathers on really good homemade lingonberry
• Any Chicken & Waffles, now that you mention crêpes
• Heck, any waffles
• In short, any dining choice that isn’t Mexican, New Mexican, and/or Fast

My South Valley excels as a place to live in many ways, its centuries old, hard-wired quirkiness for one, but grocery/restaurant options are quite limited. The very occasional “foreign” food place gives it a go down here for a month or three before closing; crazy wishful talk about opening something “gourmet” or Halal or East Indian or West Indian or Persian or any non-Albertson’s/Walmart place has been, at least up to now and fifty years from now, just that.

So how do you get to Trader Joe’s from here? Specifically, how do you get there on a bicycle (because that’s how we roll, so to speak). Here’s how:

You might be asking many questions about the route above, one I took yesterday and now officially call my “Trader Joe’s Loop.” First and foremost is probably: “Why didn’t you just go to the Trader Joe’s in Uptown?” to which Yogi Berra and I would reply: “Nobody goes there anymore, it’s too crowded.” Seriously, have you been to that Trader Joe’s? There should be therapy booths set up outside that place to help escaping shoppers with the trauma. Both before they get back to their car in the parking lot, and after.

Perhaps I am overstating things. But I prefer the Paseo location, so that’s the loop.

One quirk about this loop is that it makes four separate crossings of I-25. Only one of these (Indian School Blvd.) isn’t some form of driver-free crossing, and, now that I mention it, we might have arrived at another one of your many questions. Thanks for asking. Namely, “How did you cross I-25 north of Alameda Blvd.? There’s no bike/ped bridge.”

Well, here’s how:

Yup, to cross I-25 north of Alameda and south of Roy/Tramway one bikes under I-25 into/through what I call “The Dragon’s Mouth.” You could call it a dark, scruffy, gravel and tumbleweed-laden Interstate arroyo underpass, but “The Dragon’s Mouth” is way sexier. Besides, it is the entrance point through which one walks or rolls to visit “Dragon Arroyo,” perhaps the single-greatest public art site in town.

In case you haven’t run/stumbled/walked/rolled across/through Dragon Arroyo, its graffiti-lined walls have achieved such fame that there are seven Google Reviews of it (all 5-star and well-deserved) online and many other webpages devoted to its offerings. After moving a few tumbleweeds to get through the tunnel above, one is rewarded with a gallery of inspiring wonders, such as its namesake:

The public viewing is great whether from above or at eye-level. Here’s the semi-formal entrance to the gallery from its western edge seen from the Arroyo floor:

The combination of having escaped I-25 and riding a bicycle through an art gallery greatly improves one’s mood and appreciation for the world. Fitting in as additional artwork, one also gets to observe the combination of wind, botany, and a few million years of evolutionary adaptation:

Technically, the AMAFCA concrete and such is called “La Cueva Channel,” I guess, but more importantly it’s “Dragon Arroyo” right there on the Google Map and is thus official.

Yesterday morning my ride up Dragon toward Trader Joe’s ended with a wall of tumbleweeds that are still blocking things up at Eagle Rock NE and Wyoming Blvd., but a fellow cyclist met during a previous ride up Dragon tells us that, when tumbleweed-free, one can chase the Dragon (if you think I’m gonna pass up this chance for a Steely Dan reference, you’re crazy) further quite a ways.

After stocking up on as many South Valley-unavailable supplies as fit in my pannier, your humble blogger headed back south and downhill for a loop totaling right at 45 miles. I’m making it a regular route. It might seem a bit extreme to undergo such exertion and time just to get some Trader Joe’s tzatziki and such, but a significantly driver-free bike ride including a trip through an art gallery is never a bad idea, I’d say. Besides, I was on my e-bike. There is that.